i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
