The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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