forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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