i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
