the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
