He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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