guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
