I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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