what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
