its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
