I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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