it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
