mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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