I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
