I think I died a long time ago.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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