I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
