people are starting to question the shark bite story
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
