so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
