he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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