I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
