Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize