I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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