another moral hangover. fuck.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
