i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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