i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
