This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
