I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
