You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
