6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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