Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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