that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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