it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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