I am spending my child support on dildos
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize