I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
