I'm laying in your front yard are you home
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
