i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
