I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
