I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Still dying that you shit outside
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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