Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
