Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
