I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize