You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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