If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize