Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
