i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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