I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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