oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
