DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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