What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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