I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
