i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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