brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
