I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
