she was so not down for the gang bang
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Blood and glitter go together right?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
