ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
