College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
