What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
