Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
