I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I did not marry a roomba.
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