I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
