I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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