White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
