new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No stitches, just platelets and will power
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
